Quiet Time

It's that magical time in the morning*
when the sleeping baby begins to grunt
and snort
and squawk
and scream.
When a mother tries to pray,
and all the children outside her bedroom door quote movie lines.
When she opens her Bible
and hears a loud crash, and someone cries out in agony.
When the sound of small feet running slams into her bedroom door,
knocking it open,
and a smiling toddler appears saying,
"Me watch Baby Beluga?!"
When, even though she is trying to read in Genesis,
her mind sticks on this:
There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. 
(You think?)
The unmarried woman is anxious for the things of the Lord, 
that she may be holy, both in body and in spirit: 
but she that is married, is anxious for the things of the world...
Talk about serving the Lord with distraction. 
Foiled again.
I guess I'll take a shower.


*Morning, to most people, signifies the early part of the day. Here, please take it to mean any point within the twenty-four hour span of a day in which a moment of silence might tempt a woman to try again.

Who's Wasting Now?

And being in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, 
as He sat at meat, there came a woman 
having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious; 
and she brake the box, and poured it on His head. 
And there were some that had indignation within themselves, 
and said, Why was this waste of the ointment made? 
For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, 
and have been given to the poor. 
And they murmured against her. 
And Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? 
she hath wrought a good work on Me. 
For ye have the poor with you always, 
and whensoever ye will ye may do them good: 
but Me ye have not always. 
She hath done what she could: 
she is come aforehand to anoint My body to the burying. 
Verily I say unto you, 
Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached 
throughout the whole world, 
this also that she hath done 
shall be spoken of for a memorial of her. 
And Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve, 
went unto the chief priests, to betray Him unto them. 
And when they heard it, they were glad, 
and promised to give him money. 
And he sought how he might conveniently betray Him.
~Mark 14:3-11

Indignation.
"Why waste such expensive perfume?!
It could have been sold for a year's wages
and the money given to the poor!"
The economic value they placed on worship --
it was of far more value than that.

Here is a woman who, like the widow and her half penny,
gave of her substance.
She gave what cost her to give.
Her worship took tangible and fragrant form.
Spiritual worship poured out in material goods.
And not poured out in a way that could be benefited from physically.
This was no meat sacrificed and then served to all as a feast.
It was just dumped on Him to complete 'waste'.
She didn't even have an IRS form
that would let her claim the loss against her taxes.

The indignant ones were angry that they didn't get to control the largesse.
They didn't get to be the distributors of someone else's generosity.
So they berated her 'wastefulness'.

Is it possible to waste any good thing given to Him?
He notices widows who give half pennies.
He rewards cups of water that cost so little to share.
Alms come up as a memorial to Him.
He eavesdrops on the words of those who love Him,
and has them recorded in a book of remembrance.
He keeps a diary of words of love and worship.
Collects our tears in a bottle.
Counts our hairs.
Keeps track of sparrows who fall, and clothes lilies.
He waits anxiously for the prodigal,
ready to throw a lavish party at the return of the waster.
Killing the fatted calf over him -- to feed the wasted son.
Pouring out His own life to redeem thieves and murderers.
Talk about excess.
A year's wages is nothing to Him.
But He weighs the heart in the gift.
And hers poured it all out on Him.

Judas's response to this?
To sell Jesus for silver.
This woman 'wastes' a year's wages on Him.
Judas sells Him for thirty pieces of silver.
Four months' wages for a skilled laborer.
Who's wasting now?

In Among the Ruined

Main Street, Beit Shean

 

Wherever He went --

in villages, cities, or the countryside --

they brought the sick out to the marketplaces.

They begged Him to let the sick

touch at the least the fringe of His robe,

and all who touched Him were healed.

~ From Mark 6

It's a true story.

But Jesus told another about a man who'd been accosted 

and left bleeding on a road. 

On a road with plenty of space 

for the 'holy' men to cross to the other side 

before they became unclean with the touch of bleeding death.

Unlike those men, our Jesus waded in among the ruined.

He let His clothes and Himself be grasped at by the desperate;

by the ones dragged and carried to Him;

the ones who limped to Him;

and the ones who crawled along the way,

trying to stay out from under the trampling feet of the healthy.

There were, I am sure, those who had earned their misery.

They had done what ought not to have been done,

and were suffering in themselves the due penalty for their sins.

And there were those who had been sinned against by others,

or failed in some way by those who ought to have been more careful.

He was a magnet for them all.

For the broken and the damaged.

The ones forbidden from the sanctuary.

The ones forbidden from society.

The fringe of His robe would be where the dirt collected.

Where the dust of His feet was kicked up in a cloud.

Maybe I can touch some of the dirt that touched Him. 

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see what He has done and be amazed. 

They will put their trust in the Lord.

~From Psalm 40

I was so foolish and ignorant;

I was like a beast before You.

Nevertheless I am continually with You;

You hold me by my right hand.

You will guide me with Your counsel,

and afterward receive me to glory.

~ From Psalm 73

New Mercy and Compassions that Fail Not

I am not among those who revel in the change of the year.
I am prone to dismal forebodings.
And I am not resolute.
Or at least, I resent the expectation of resolve.
I don't like to make declarations of plans.
I prefer to simply do the things I think I ought to do.
(A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds --
and all that stuff.)

Last night, we watched the freak-out in Times Square.
And when the date changed, I thought, "Hmm. There it is. A new year. Wow."
My husband said, "Last year my work was coming to an end,
and I had no idea what we would do.
We had no money.
We hadn't even put our house on the market yet.
The Lord has been faithful to us."
It was a difficult year.
Actually, the few years before that were difficult, too.
And the Lord has been faithful to us.

I don't like changes.
They trigger anxiety for me.
But I remember that the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning.
Great is His faithfulness.

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, 
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good to them that wait for him, 
to the soul that seeketh him. 
It is good that a man should both hope 
and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD."
~From Lamentations 3

Whatever lamentation the year may hold, the Lord is my portion.
He has new mercy for me every day.
He is faithful in great ways.
I am not consumed.
He is good to those who wait for Him,
and He has shown Himself so in my life.
I will hope in Him, and quietly wait for him.

"Put on humility. 
For God resists proud ones, 
but He gives grace to the humble.
Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, 
so that He may exalt you in due time, 
casting all your anxiety onto Him, 
for He cares for you."
~From 1 Peter 5

He cares for me.
And His compassions fail not.
Happy first day of the first week of the first month of the new year.

Before the Face of the Lord

"Now his father Zacharias was filled with the Holy Spirit,
and prophesied, saying:
'Blessed is the Lord God of Israel,
for He has visited and redeemed His people, 
and has raised up a horn of salvation for us
in the house of His servant David...
That we should be saved from our enemies
and from the hand of all who hate us,
to perform the mercy promised to our fathers
and to remember His holy covenant,
the oath which He swore to our father Abraham:
to grant us that we,
being delivered from the hand of our enemies,
might serve Him without fear,
in holiness and righteousness before Him all the days of our life.

And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Highest;
for you will go before the face of the Lord to prepare His ways,
to give knowledge of salvation to His people
by the remission of their sins,
through the tender mercy of our God,
with which the Dayspring from on high has visited us;
to give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death,
to guide our feet into the way of peace.'"
~ From Luke 1

Personally, I love to read the prophecies spoken of His work,
of the Father's heart of mercy
and peace
and salvation
and love
and reconciliation
and good will toward men.
Oh, how it moves me.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.
And we mark our history by it.
All  the fullness of the Godhead bodily dwelling in Him.

How?!
How could He contain His glory in a dirt-body?
To be ministered to by sinners?
To be the visible show of God's requirements fulfilled,
the voice of His love to us,
the touch of the Father to the poor.
To the sinner.
To the leper.
To the lame and blind and to the women.
To the 'racially impure' Samaritans.
A friend to fishermen.
To tax collectors and zealots.
The political radicals and the cautious theologians.
The ruined whores of society.
He restored them all.
He put His calloused hands on the contagious outcasts,
and He stretched them out Himself on the cross.

Commending Ourselves To God

"Now concerning things offered to idols:
We know that we have all knowledge.
Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies.
And if anyone thinks that he knows anything,
he knows nothing yet as he ought to know.
But if anyone loves God,
this one is known by Him."

It was an interesting approach to the discussion
about the eating of spiritually contaminated foods.
He goes on to say in a few verses,
"Food does not commend us to God;
for neither if we eat are we the better,
nor if we do not eat are we the worse."

But what gave me pause this morning
were the first three verses of 1 Corinthians 8.
Our knowledge is no way to come to God.
It is our love for Him that commends us to Him.
So that the heady apologist nitpicking doctrine
is not the one taken note of in heaven.
The woman with her broken inheritance
and the perfume in her hair has a name with Him.

Our knowledge falls short of what it should know,
and will as long as we inhabit these bodies.
But love never falls short with Him.
Knowledge will be humbled,
but Love is already prostrate at His feet,
forgiven, defended, and first to witness new life.

I want to increase in my love of Him.
Not to sit at the table disdaining Him and disdaining Love:
If He was really a prophet, 
He would know what manner of woman was touching Him, 
that she is a sinner.
There sits Knowledge,
judging the Judge and the recipient of His mercy:
a friend of God.
The greater of these is love.

I Thirst

"They said therefore among themselves, 
'Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it, whose it shall be,' 
that the Scripture might be fulfilled which says: 
They divided My garments among them, and for My clothing they cast lots.' 
Therefore the soldiers did these things..."

"After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, 
that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, 'I thirst!' 
Now a vessel full of sour wine was sitting there; 
and they filled a sponge with sour wine, 
put it on hyssop, and put it to His mouth. 
So when Jesus had received the sour wine, 
He said, 'It is finished!' 
And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit."
~ John 19:24, 28-30

I read these things to my children tonight, and wondered as I read them.
Jesus said at another time that He did always
those things that pleased the Father.
He gave up His spirit when He had fulfilled
every jot and tittle of God's will for Him.
Right down to His thirst.
His thirst was in perfect harmony with His Father's plan.
Psalm 22:15 describes it: My strength is dried up like a potsherd, 
and My tongue clings to My jaws; 
You have brought me to the dust of death.

All His desires submitted to His Father's will.
Even those desires that were pain to Him.
He would not leave until He had suffered those, too.
God's hand was involved
in the distribution of His belongings to His persecutors.
This stuns me to think of.
And I wonder, are my desires the Father's desires?
Am I thirsting because He's dried up my mouth?
It seems like we assume if we thirst we're not doing His will.
But perhaps this thirst, this need, this dried up strength
is what the Father has for me.

My grandmother, in her last few days here on this earth,
was receiving hospice care.
Too weak to leave her bed, the hospice nurse asked her,
"What is it you would like?"
And in her barely audible whisper, my grandma said,
"To do the will of the Lord."

And Brings Up

"The LORD kills,
and makes alive:
He brings down to the grave,
and brings up."
~1 Samuel 2:6

A friend of mine put this verse up as a status update the other day.
It's not one of those verses that make you feel happy if you look at it wrong.
But for the first time, I noticed its order.
It doesn't say, "The Lord gives you life and then He kills you.
First you live, and then you're buried."
It says, "He brings down, and brings you up."

Jesus received word from friends that He loved:
"Lord, behold, he whom you love is sick."
It says He loved them.
And it is apparent that they knew He loved them.
They summoned Him on the basis of their friendship.
And He did not come.
He let him die.
And He told His disciples that the sickness was not unto death.

"Our friend Lazarus is fallen asleep; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep," He said.
The disciples thought that was a good sign.
I think it's kind of funny that they had the Author of Life with them,
and they're still trying to discern signs of hope when a friend is deathly ill.
So then Jesus told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead."
Thomas's response: "Let us also go, that we may die with him."
Isn't that what so deeply wounds us when we face the death of our loved ones?
I'm next.
Death comes for us all.

Martha's first words to Jesus are, "If You had been here, he wouldn't be dead!
Even now, whatever You ask, I know God will give You."
God doesn't listen to my prayers... but I know He hears You. 
Jesus said to her, "Thy brother shall rise again."
She gives a theologically sound response: Yes, at the resurrection.
At that magical time at the end of the age... 
He wanted  her to understand that He is Life, He is Resurrection,
and faith in Him envelops us in His Life.
"He that believes on Me, though he die, yet shall he live; 
and whosoever lives and believes on Me shall never die. 
Do you believe this?"

Mary came, and had the same reproach for Him.
When I read Mary's words I think she was more accusatory than her sister Martha.
More struck down.
It says that when He saw Mary's weeping,
He was troubled and groaned in His spirit.
He didn't reason with Mary in her grief.
He wept, and He demonstrated.
He called her brother right out of the grave.
Out of the decay of four days' rotting.
"And he that was dead came forth,
bound hand and foot with grave-clothes;
and his face was bound about with a napkin.
Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go."

One day, we will each hear Him,
still calling us by name though we are dead.
"Come here!"
"I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob..."
And, bound in our death wraps, we'll obey.
And He will say, "Loose her, and let her go."

Nearer To Us

"And Gideon said unto him, 
Oh, my lord, if Jehovah is with us, why then has all this befallen us? 
...but now Jehovah hath cast us off...  
And Jehovah looked upon him, and said, 
Go in this thy might, and save Israel ...have not I sent thee?  
And he said unto him, 
Oh, Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? 
behold, my family is the poorest in Manasseh, 
and I am the least in my father's house. 
And Jehovah said unto him, Surely I will be with thee..."

"But Jehovah had shut up her womb. 
And her rival provoked her sore, to make her fret, 
because Jehovah had shut up her womb. 
...When she went up to the house of Jehovah, so she provoked her; 
therefore she wept, and did not eat.
And she was in bitterness of soul, 
and prayed unto Jehovah, and wept sore.
...And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife; 
and Jehovah remembered her."

"...And the women said, Is this Naomi? 
And she said unto them, 
Call me not Naomi, call me Mara; 
for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me. 
I went out full, and Jehovah hath brought me home again empty; 
why call ye me Naomi, seeing Jehovah hath testified against me, 
and the Almighty hath afflicted me?
...And the women said unto Naomi, 
Blessed be Jehovah, who hath not left thee this day without a near kinsman; 
and let his name be famous in Israel. 
And he shall be unto thee a restorer of life, and a nourisher of thine old age, 
for thy daughter-in-law, who loveth thee, who is better to thee than seven sons, hath borne him. 
And Naomi took the child, and laid it in her bosom, and became nurse unto it. 
And the women her neighbors gave it a name, saying, 
There is a son born to Naomi; and they called his name Obed..."

"Jehovah has cast us off."
"Jehovah has closed my womb."
"Jehovah has brought me home empty, 
testified against me, 
and afflicted me."

They were all perplexed by the trouble upon them.
And they were all in His direct view.
Loved and cared for.
He had their good in mind, although they could all ask,
"If God is with us, why has all this befallen us?"

"You need not cry very loud;
He is nearer to us than we are aware of."
~Brother Lawrence, from The Practice of the Presence of God

Making More Sins Than God

My husband made a delicious dinner tonight.
The conversation was good, too.
We asked our kids a bunch of questions which weren't planned,
but which I think were important.

Do people ever dishonor marriage in the way that they live? (Yes.)
Should we, then, say Christians shouldn't get married?
Can we do evil things with money? (Yes!)
Is money evil? (No!)
Can we honor the Lord with money? (Yes!) 
If people might do evil things with money, maybe we should ban money.
Can we do evil things with our bodies? (Yes.)
Does that make our bodies evil? (No!)
Can we honor the Lord with our bodies? (Yes!)
Can we do evil things with meat? (Yes.)
What kind of evil things could you do with meat?
(You could take it away from hungry people! You could be a glutton!)
So is meat evil? (No!)
Can we use meat in a way that honors the Lord? (Yes!)
Maybe, since people can use meat in a way that is evil, all meat should be destroyed.

There is an interesting passage in 1 Timothy 4:
Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times 
some will depart from the faith, 
giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, 
speaking lies in hypocrisy... 
forbidding to marry, 
and commanding to abstain from foods 
which God created to be received with thanksgiving; 
for it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer. 
If you instruct the brethren in these things, 
you will be a good minister of Jesus Christ, 
nourished in the words of faith 
and of the good doctrine which you have carefully followed. 
But reject profane and old wives' fables, 
and exercise yourself toward godliness. 
For bodily exercise profits a little, 
but godliness is profitable for all things, 
having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

Reading the whole thing in context makes it plain
that the forbidding of the gifts of God,
which He has given us to be received with thanksgiving,
and which are made holy by His word, and by prayer, 
is a teaching of deceiving spirits, 
a lie, 
a doctrine of demons, 
a departure from the faith, 
and a profane old wives' fable.
Pretty strong words.
Good ministers of Jesus Christ reject such teachings.
The 'discipline' of abstinence from these things
(which are holy if done in holiness)
profits little.
But godliness is always profitable.
And godliness comes by faith in Him, and in His work.

"Do not suppose that abuses are eliminated
by destroying the object which is abused.
Men can go wrong with wine and women.
Shall we then prohibit and abolish women?"
~Martin Luther

"Thomas Shepherd, pastor and friend of Governor John Winthrop  
(Puritan governor of Massachusetts),
advised against forbidding a temptation.
He wrote Winthrop to argue
that forbidding a temptation provokes God
because it makes 'more sins than (as yet is seen) God himself hath made.'"

Those Who Wrestle And Don't Let Go

There are others, you know.

Others with trophy scars and injuries 

they received wrestling God, or His agent.

Abraham: 

I counted my son a loss, but held tight to the Living God.

Job: 

"And now my soul is poured out because of my plight; 

the days of my affliction take hold of me... 

He has cast me into the mire, and I have become like dust and ashes... 

You have become cruel to me; 

with the strength of Your hand You oppose me."

My wife told me I ought to curse Him and die. 

Our losses had piled up one after another. 

There was no end in sight, and I was covered in excruciating boils.

Our children were all dead.

I hadn't done anything wrong. 

But I held to Him when He gave me good.

I had to hold to Him in this, too.

"...Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him."

"Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in all the earth?

...And still he holds fast..."

Esther:

"...And if I perish, I perish."

David:

"I will not offer to the Lord my God whole offerings that have cost me nothing."

Daniel:

"When Daniel knew the writing was signed, 

he went home...

And with his windows open toward Jerusalem,

he knelt down on his knees three times that day, 

and prayed and gave thanks before his God."

Moses:

"If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here."

Ruth:

"Your God will be my God,

and where you die, there will I be buried."

In the face of loss,
death,
bereavement,
misery,
and threats,
each of them essentially said, "I will not let You go except You bless me."

You Win

Jacob.
The patriarch we all wonder about.
How did he get listed?
Abraham: the friend of God;
Isaac: the long-awaited promised son;
and Jacob: the heel-catcher?
"Jacob I have loved," He said.
What did God see in him?

I think I am beginning to see it too.
And it's beautiful.
Everyone knows his stories, but the point of them is often confusing -- at least to me.

He was a man on the run:
from his brother;
from his father-in-law;
from Canaanites;
from famine.
But he did not run from God.
He wrestled Him.
And he wouldn't let go.
He halted upon his thigh the rest of his life because he refused to let go.
He preferred God's blessing to his own strength.
Even if it hurt him.

"Bless me! I will cling through Your maiming touch and not let go!"
He caught God's heel.

I've heard people use that passage to say,
"When you're in a wrestling match with God, give up."
I understand what they are trying to say,
but it seems to me that God was pleased with his -- (dare I say it?) patience.
His continuance.

"You have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed," He said.
Has that ever troubled you?
I mean, it says He did not prevail against him.
Is Jacob stronger than God?
Certainly not.
What the heck is that talking about?

In Hosea it says,
"[Jacob] took his brother by the heel in the womb,
and in his strength he struggled with God.
Yes, he struggled with the Angel and prevailed;
he wept, and sought favor from Him."

God comes to struggle with us.
To contend with us.
To roll in the dirt and hold us down.
To wrestle us into exhaustion,
to wound us in the strongest part of our being.
To be held down by the grasping of our faith.
To be clung to, and torn at, and dirtied in the struggle -- sweated on and wept to.
If we hold fast to Him, we will carry the scars and the injuries with us.
And when we don't let go, although it cost us our health,
our life,
our children,
our hopes and dreams,
our homes,
our positions --
though we halt upon our thighs for the rest of our lives
and our children down through the ages commemorate the struggle at every meal,
we have prevailed when we have hung on to Him.

And He loves that.
He blesses that.
He memorializes it, too.
When I brought you low, you held on still, and you win.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Shall tribulation,
or distress,
or persecution,
or famine,
or nakedness,
or peril,
or sword?
As it is written:
'For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are counted as sheep for the slaughter.'
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

Knowing That

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, 
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 
through whom also we have access by faith 
into this grace in which we stand, 
and rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, 
knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 
and perseverance, character; 
and character, hope."
~Romans 5:1-4

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
But let patience have its perfect work,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
~James 1

"By your patience possess your souls."
~Luke 21:19

It amazes me what they 'knew' that we seem ignorant of.
They knew that tribulation produces perseverance,
which produces character,
which produces hope.
They knew that the testing of our faith produces patience,
and patience works maturity in us.

I pondered this, and wondered at it.
But hope is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Patience is a fruit of the Holy Spirit.
Perhaps I was under the impression they were magically imparted,
not worked into us.
These indicate that hope is the product of character
formed by perseverance,
produced by tribulation.
And patience is produced by the testing of my faith.

I thought about bread making.
How every ingredient of bread can be in my machine,
but if it isn't worked, it isn't bread.
The gluten only forms when they are combined by pressure and made to wait.
And the times when I have not quite snapped that little paddle into its power source,
and the pressure has not been transferred into the dough -- have been food disasters.
Nothing useful has resulted.
Time has not been sufficient to bring the dough to maturity.

"Be kindly affectionate with brotherly love,
in honor giving preference to one another;
not lagging in diligence,
fervent in spirit, 
serving the Lord;
rejoicing in hope,
patient in tribulation,
continuing steadfastly in prayer;
distributing to the needs of the saints,
given to hospitality..."
~Romans 12:10-13

With Patience

It began here:

"Solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is,
those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern good and evil.
Therefore, leaving the discussion of the elementary principles of Christ,
let us go on to perfection,
not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works 
and faith toward God,
of the doctrine of baptisms,
of laying on of hands,
of resurrection of the dead,
and eternal judgment..."
~Hebrews 5:14-6:2

I read this.
And I thought about it. 
And I said to myself, "It is obvious in this passage what the foundational things are --
the elementary principles we are to move on from.
But does it indicate what we are to move on to?"
So I read further.
Until I arrived at verses 11 and 12:

"And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to
the full assurance of hope until the end,
that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who
through faith
and patience
inherit the promises."

A new thought.
Hope.
Faith. 
Patience.
There's something to learn here.
New connections of very old-to-me scriptures began to form in my mind.
I thought I'd better study a little more about patience.

"Now the ones on the rock are those who,
when they hear, receive the word with joy;
and these have no root,
who believe for awhile
and in time of temptation fall away.
Now the ones that fell among thorns are those who,
when they have heard,
go out and are choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life,
and bring no fruit to maturity.
The ones that fell on the good ground are those who,
having heard the word with a noble and good heart,
keep it and bear fruit with patience."

How did I never notice that last bit before?
Fruitfulness is related to patience.
Maturity. Patience.

"Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord.
See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth,
waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain.
You also be patient.
Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand..."
~James 5:7,8

I'd like to say more on this subject, but it will have to wait.
Patiently.

Stooping Lower

I looked at humility from another angle this morning, with help from Ann Voskamp. She wrote of Jesus setting the little child before His disciples and saying we must humble ourselves as a little child. And she wrote of the child's continual state of surprise -- no plans, no expectations.

"The humble live surprised. The humble live by joy... The humble are the laid-low and bowed ones, the surprised ones with hands open to receive whatever He gives.
He hands them the earth.
The earth."
~A. V. One Thousand Gifts

I thought of how much I love to surprise one of my kids with a gift for no reason. And how I love to see the surprised joy it produces. And how I hate to give anything to someone who comes up and demands it as their due. Humility responds like a child to a gift.

"To receive God's gifts, to live exalted and joy-filled, isn't a function of straining higher, harder, doing more, carrying long the burdens of the super-Pharisees and ultra-saints. Receiving God's gifts is a simple movement of stooping lower."
~A. V. One Thousand Gifts

She also quoted F.B. Meyer: "I used to think that God's gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in Christian character the easier we should reach them. I find now that God's gifts are on shelves one beneath the other, and that it is not a question of growing taller but of stooping lower, and that we have to go down, always down, to get His best gifts."

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; 
because the LORD hath anointed me to publish good tidings to the meek; 
he hath sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, 
to proclaim liberty to the captives, 
and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; 
to comfort all that mourn;
To appoint to them that mourn in Zion, 
to give to them beauty for ashes, 
the oil of joy for mourning, 
the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; 
that they may be called trees of righteousness, 
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified."
~Isaiah 61:1-3

What is lower than ashes? Than mourning? Than a spirit of heaviness?

Considering Lilies

My husband and I are waiting for a go-ahead.
Some arbitrary person somewhere has our present and our future in their hands,
and it's making me weary waiting for them.
I'm tired.
My husband is tired.
My children are tired.
We want to be a full time family again.
We hate saying goodbye to each other every week.
I hate being a single mother.
Two are better than one.
This morning, I was feeling morose as I prepared for one more goodbye.
I looked out the window, and my eyes fell on the explosion of lilies in bloom right now.
One hundred and eighty degrees of them from where I am sitting.

Lilies.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been comforted
because of the beautiful, practical, poetic ways the Lord has communicated to us in His word.
Consider the lilies of the field.
They don't labor.
They don't spin.
And the Lord clothes them more beautifully than the richest king who ever lived.
Consider the birds of the air.
They do not build barns to store their food supply.
But Your Father feeds them.
You are of more value to Him than these.
Trust Me.

Can He?

My husband  reminded me about Psalm 78 the other day,
and I opened up to it last night.
My eyes fell on verse 19, which among other things says:
"Can God prepare a table in the wilderness?
Behold, He struck the rock,
so that waters gushed out,
and the streams overflowed.
Can He give bread also?
Can He provide meat for His people?"
Can He?

In my Bible, I had written, "He can and He does.
Lord, prepare a table for us in this wilderness."
And do you know what?
We have not gone hungry.
We have seen His hand provide in the wilderness.
And our children have seen it.

Asaph said, "He established a testimony in Jacob...
That they should make them known to their children;
that the generation to come might know them,
the children who would be born,
that they may arise and declare them to their children,
that they may set their hope in God, 
and not forget the works of God."

I love when I come across an old prayer after I have seen Him answer it.
Sometimes I do not even remember praying about it, but He does.
He remembers.
Thank You, Father.

"You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup runs over."
~ Psalm 23

Not One

This afternoon, my children and I heard a thump on the window and found outside a beautiful gray bird in its last minute or two of life. I picked it up, hoping it was just stunned, and we spoke softly to it, stroking its breast and admiring its beauty. It's been over an hour, and it has grown stiller. I think its neck is broken, and sadly, it won't be flying off again. It lies next to me on a towel in a decorative bird cage as I write this. So seemingly pointless. We weren't sure what it was, so we examined its markings and looked it up. I think it's a tufted titmouse.

I find myself thinking of what Jesus said to His friends:

"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul;
rather be afraid of God, who can destroy both body and soul in hell.
For only a penny you can buy two sparrows,
yet not one sparrow falls to the ground without your Father's consent.
As for you, even the hairs of your head have all been counted.
So do not be afraid; you are worth much more than many sparrows!"
~Matthew 10:28-31

My Father knows the loss of this little bird who enriches no one's life. Who makes no one grieve but us, and only because we knew of it. If he had fallen in the woods, we would not care. Every delicate feather and subtle marking is known by Him, although we have to examine them to recognize his species. And He says not to be afraid -- He's counted our hairs.

"Precious in the sight of Jehovah is the death of his saints."
~Psalm 116:15

Sons of Your Father

Do you ever wonder about whether you are growing as you should?
I have a tendency to think evangelism is the yardstick to measure by.
(Probably as a result of faulty something.)
I was thinking about it this morning -- asking the Lord about fruit.
Do I have any?
Am I healthy?

My mind drifted here:

'Love your enemies, 
bless those who curse you, 
do good to those who hate you, 
and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 
that you may be sons of your Father in heaven...'

'...And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors...
For if you forgive men their trespasses, 
your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive your trespasses...'

'Now the fruit of the Spirit is
love,
joy,
peace,
longsuffering,
kindness,
goodness,
faithfulness,
gentleness,
self-control.'
The mark of sonship is love.

Will I exact revenge on my persecutors?
Will I demand payment of all I am owed by trespassers?
Can I pray for those who abuse me?

Jesus, hanging in agony on the cross,
used His breath to pray, "Father, forgive them."
He pitied His tormentors.

There is a precious promise in there.
If I forgive, He'll forgive me, too.
Because I am a debtor.
I have offended.
I have stepped on people.
I have looked past their pain and blamed them for their grimace.
I have forgotten them when I should have remembered.
I have been calloused when I should have been crying.
I have pointed my finger when I should have applied salve.
And I can't pay it back.

But I can forgive when it's done to me.

To Meet Every

A song came to mind this morning as I listened to the birds while I read and prayed. The song is from Lamentations, and I learned it when I was small.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
His mercies never shall come to an end
They are new every morning
New every morning
Great is Thy faithfulness, O Lord --
Great is Thy faithfulness

I turned to Lamentations because I intended to just share that verse. I looked it up on eSword to pick a version to share. And my attention was arrested as I looked a little earlier in the passage. I did not intend to say anything on this subject, but it's in the text, and it astounds me. Look at this:

"And thou hast removed my soul far off from peace: I forgat prosperity.
And I said, My strength and my hope hath perished from the LORD:
Remembering my affliction and my misery, 
the wormwood and the gall.
My soul hath them still in remembrance, 
and is humbled in me.
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, 
because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; 
therefore will I hope in him.
The LORD is good to them that wait for him, 
to the soul that seeketh him.
It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait 
for the salvation of the LORD."

He says he had no strength and no hope.
One of the versions I read said 'my hope in the Lord is gone'.
It seems almost blasphemous.
But this man could remember only his affliction, his misery,
wormwood and gall.
His lot was bitter and poisonous and painful.
It was so horrible he lost all hope.
And in that place, the Lord's mercy reached him.
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning.
To meet every bitter expectation,
Every painful affliction,
Every miserable grief.
He is faithful.
If He is my portion, there is hope.
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him --
To the soul that seeks Him.

And I can't help but remember this:

"All these died in faith,
not having received the promises,
but having seen them afar off
were assured of them,
embraced them
and confessed that they were strangers 
and pilgrims on the earth.
For those who say such things
declare plainly that they seek a homeland."
~Hebrews 11:13