Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Motherhood to me is a fulfilling, frustrating, fruitful endeavor. I am engaged in a desperate attempt to bring order out of chaos. It is often forced servitude. It's exhausting. It's exhilarating. It's 'hello' and 'goodbye' every day. Every day a new accomplishment, a new skill learned, another personality trait revealed. And every day 'goodbye'. The endless 'goodbyes' caught me by surprise. I didn't realize how many there would be. It's most pronounced in baby and toddlerhood. Every new accomplishment is a glaring reminder that my baby will leave me soon. I see their lives going on and on until they are parents themselves and are gone from me. They begin their lives with everything before them, and one by one, they pass the markers of time. I am so aware of my own mortality even as I watch them, so full of life. I pray I can get it all in in the time that I have. That they are well-equipped for eternity before I have to leave them.