Spirit Life

 They came to Him looking for bread, and He said, "Do not labor for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you, because God the Father has set His seal on Him."

"What shall we do, that we may work the works of God?" they asked.

Be at all the church services? Don't use drums in your worship? Wear polyester? Tithe? Be accountable? Don't touch yeast? Beat yourself with rods until you bleed? Don't cuss? Never dress your children up as princesses and superheroes? Pray six hours of every day? Read ten chapters from the Bible every day? Don't smoke tobacco products? Take a Nazirite vow of no grape products, no fig products, and no haircuts? No bacon from here until eternity?

"This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He sent."

I'm the bread! I'm the Life! I'm the gift of God to you. I've come down from heaven to give life to the world... 

 Then He offended them all. 

"He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me and I in Him."

Pandemonium. That was too much. It is too much, isn't it? We recoil. His disciples complained and argued with each other, confused. 

"Does this offend you? ...It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life."

I believe Jesus wanted them to understand that communion with Him, being filled with Himself, is the only eternal life there is. He is the Life. How do you explain that to material-minded men? They wanted bread. They looked for signs. But what He spoke, they would not hear.

He didn't explain it to those who got offended and left. But to those who stayed, complaining as they were, He tells them "the flesh profits nothing. The Spirit gives life." All our solutions are flesh solutions. But He is Life. When we believe what He says, we are hearing Him in. We eat His flesh by believing Him. Because God is Spirit. Jesus came physically as a man to take our part. But He is eternal. He is Spirit. I think He was saying, "Here I am. You can have Me. I am given for you. You can have every part of Me. I am your provision. I am your bread. Live on Me."  

Ecclesiastes says that He set eternity in the hearts of men. We are created in His image. But sin has slain us. We walk around on this earth as the living dead. The death sentence of sin is on each one of us. Starving. Our spirits withered and terminal. No hope. But Jesus was sent to be our food. To be our drink. To join Himself in all His Life to our dead spirits. And all we have to do is believe.

O My Soul

Candlelight hamburgers

Many times growing up, we would gather to the table for dinner -- all nine of us -- and we would sing our prayer to the Lord. My mom has a very loud singing voice. I hear it in my mind. I see my family, all my younger siblings, and my mom and my dad around the table singing. Sometimes others were gathered with us -- saints from far away who would stay with us, or friends who just couldn't stay away. Such sweet fellowship around the table: long hours of happy talk and stories of what the Lord had done for others. It had more effect on my faith than years of church services.

Bless the Lord!
O my soul!
And all that is within me!
Bless His holy name!
For He has done great things --
Hallelujah!
He has done great things --
Hallelujah!
He has done great things --
Bless His holy name!

Do You Know Why?

"Mama, do you know why God made eggs and toast fo' us?" my three-year-old asked me.

"Why?"

"Betause He loves us!"

"Do you know why Jesus made sour cream fo' us?" he asked me in between licks of the sour cream spoon.

"Why?"

His eyes twinkling, and his face covered in it, he said, "Betause He loves us!"

And Faith Eats, Too.

I've been thinking a lot about Elijah lately. In obedience to the Lord, Elijah gave the king a message: "You're not getting any rain or dew these years unless I say so." (You can read this story for yourself in 1 Kings 17.)

Then the Lord tells him to flee -- sends him to a brook to drink the water and receive charity from birds. Relying on the charity of birds doesn't sound like a responsible plan. And then the brook dried up because there was no rain -- at his word.

When the brook dried up, the Lord told him to go to Sidon (Lebanon). "See, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you."

A widow? That pretty much guaranteed poverty and want. But Elijah went and found her. She was gathering sticks. Her son must have been very young, or he would have been gathering the sticks. When he asks her for some bread, she answers with reference to the Lord, the Living God -- and explains that she is making the last meal for herself and her son. They plan to eat it and die. All she had was a handful of flour and a drizzle of oil.

Doesn't that excite you? God chose a woman on the edge of starvation to 'provide' for His prophet. In a way, though, He chose to provide for a woman on the edge of starvation through His prophet. Here's this woman with some knowledge of the Living God, and nothing in the bank, and one pathetic meal's worth of food, and God says she's appointed to provide. The prophet tells her to give him a little first, and that God said her bin of flour would not run out, and her oil would not run dry until the Lord sent rain. And she believed him.

I wonder what would have happened if she had said 'no'. She would have starved, I think -- and her son. But the prophet would have been provided for through some other widow.

I think every time she opened that jar and looked inside, it looked nearly empty. I think every time she went to cook it was an act of faith. And every time she ate, it was food from nothing. The Bible says, "The just shall live by faith." And: "we walk by faith and not by sight."

Sight says to go to the land where His name is known, find the richest, most powerful religious leader in that town, and make your appeal. It does not say to go find a Lebanese widow with NOTHING and ask her to be your hostess.

Sight takes water from cisterns -- planned in advance, filled by careful engineering, and guarded over seasons. And it toils to bring forth a harvest of grain, to grind it, to store it, to ration it, to hoard it.

Faith takes water from the Rock and bread from the desert. Faith reaches into the jar and pours out the 'last' drop of oil, and hands it to someone else. And Faith eats, too.

Disconnected

I've been baking a lot of bread in my bread machine lately. I was so excited to have another loaf baking tonight. I heard a not-quite-normal sound during the kneading cycle, but neglected to investigate. I opened the machine to take out my bread, and to my dismay found it baked but completely unmixed. I hadn't snapped it into place. The last of my yeast gone. All those ingredients lost. And no bread for tomorrow. The machine works. The pan is just fine. But the connection wasn't there.

"Abide in Me, and I in you.
As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine,
neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
I am the vine, you are the branches.
He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing."

Sick All Along

Over eight years ago I was suffering from an infection whose seriousness I did not recognize. I thought I had a minor problem (misdiagnosed by myself), and watched it as it did not improve. There's a funny thing about watching something bad. When it turns a little worse, you can't tell. You think, Is that worse, or is it the same? And you keep thinking that maybe it's improving. Well, with my misdiagnosed minor problem, which was slightly uncomfortable at the beginning, I lived for several weeks. It began to be an obviously not small problem, but by then I was intimidated by the possible consequences of seeing a doctor. A doctor might tell me it was worse than what I had decided it was. I read in a book that if it was what I was afraid it was, the pain would be excruciating. So I waited longer. Until the pain did become excruciating. Then I called.

He couldn't see me until the next day. When he did see me, he looked worried. He put me on a heavy antibiotic, a narcotic pain killer, and told me to call him if it wasn't obviously improving in twelve hours. And he told me to treat it with heat. I went home and did just that. Part way through the prescribed treatment, I felt an end to my pain, and rejoiced that it was working. I thought the pain killers were making me crazy, so I stopped taking them. I didn't realize I was delirious. When the twelve hours were up, I called and spoke with a nurse, described my condition, and the strange coloration that was now part of it, and was given a hearty, "Sounds like you're getting better!" I never spoke to the doctor.

The next day, my problem exploded. Literally. On the phone with a doctor (but not mine), I was told to bandage it, and that it was an improvement. I didn't want to sit in an ER on a Saturday night with a newborn, so I was glad to not have it looked at. The bandages kept sticking to the wound, and pulling skin off whenever I changed them. My husband looked at it on Monday morning and insisted I call my doctor and have it looked at, because it wasn't right. Something was wrong. I wanted to go see our friends, and wasn't happy to listen to him.

The doctor, when he had finished ripping the bandages off, grew very pale. His eyes looked huge. He said in an obviously trying-to-keep-calm voice, "I'm going to call my friend Dr. A over at the hospital and have her take a look at you." I just wanted an ointment that would keep my bandages from sticking. I wanted to go to lunch. I was still delirious, and my thoughts weren't connecting coherently.

I said, "I just don't want this to be gangrene."

"Technically, that's what that is," he said. He sent me to the hospital with a hug. His eyes looked afraid.

At the hospital, the triage nurse and the ultrasound tech stood with their mouths hanging open, speechless. "How did this happen to you?" one of them finally asked.

I felt stupid. "I don't know. I thought..." I thought it was okay. I didn't know I needed help.

They called the specialist down, and she was fast. She looked at the problem, watched the ultrasound, and said, "We need to take you upstairs now." In a whirlwind, they were lifting me onto a gurney, explaining a surgical procedure I was adverse to, and shoving release forms in front of me to sign.

"I can walk. I'm fine. I want you to do it under local -- I don't want you to give me anything that'll hurt my baby. He's breastfeeding. He won't take a bottle."

The doctor was firm but kind. "We're not doing this under a local. And you can't walk."

In the prep room for surgery, a nurse lifted the blanket to tuck a warm one around me and saw I was still in street clothes. She yanked off my pants. Another lady from anesthesia talked cheerfully with me. She injected me with something. "What is that for?" I asked.

"To help you relax."

Oh. They wheeled me into the operating room, asked me to sit up, look straight up at the big light, and open my mouth as wide as I could. Under the influence of my 'relaxation', I did just what they asked, wondering all along, I wonder why they want me to do that?

When I woke up, I had a gaping wound. Cavern, really. And oh, the relief. It felt a hundred times better. My husband had to be trained to pack the wound, and he had to continue doing it for over three months. It was an ordeal.

Years later, I was pondering the words of Jesus to the Pharisees. He was eating with some tax collectors and other unsavory characters, and the Pharisees were bothered. "Why does He eat with such people?" they asked.

Jesus heard them and answered, "People who are well do not need a doctor, but only those who are sick."

Jesus, our Great Physician, is found among the sick. In the past, I always thought the tax collectors were the 'sick', and the Pharisees in the story were the 'well'. But thinking on His words, I remembered my condition when I had an infection that I didn't think was an infection, and when it deteriorated to gangrene, and the pain grew significantly less, and so I delayed seeing my doctor again. I was sick all along. But I didn't think I was sick. I didn't think my condition was serious enough to need a doctor. So I didn't call.

Those Pharisees were sick. In another place, Jesus said they were blind. They needed the doctor, too. But they wouldn't call.

In the Tombs

A cliff on the Sea of Galilee

My husband was reading to me and our children about a week ago from Luke 8:26-39.

It says in the story that when Jesus stepped out of the boat, a demon-possessed man met Him. "And he wore no clothes, nor did he live in a house but in the tombs." This man was so bad that he was kept under guard, bound with chains and shackles, but he broke the bonds and was driven by the demons into the wilderness. The passage in Mark 5 gives the additional information that always, night and day, he was in the mountains crying out and cutting himself with stones. And it says he saw Jesus from afar and ran and worshiped Him.

As I listened to this story which I have heard so many times, a question came to me: What do you think this man's biggest problem was? Was his biggest problem being naked? I mean, the inappropriateness of it! Look away, Christian. You don't want to be corrupted by his nakedness. In fact, maybe it would be best, Jesus, if you don't go to the Gadarenes. There's a man over there who hangs out completely naked. What will people think if You are seen with him? You're the Son of God. Consider how it will look.

Was his biggest problem that he was homeless? That he was obsessed with the dead? Was it that he was not hygienic? He was probably covered in infected bloody wounds. He needed everything. He lacked modesty -- even a basic sense of decency. He didn't have a job, because he was too busy cutting himself and screaming. He lacked friends. No one wants to remain with a person so socially retarded. But none of these things were his biggest problem. His biggest problem was not external. It wasn't the nudity, the homelessness, or the medical conditions.

He was full of demons.

And Jesus, our Hero, our Savior, came looking for him. Looking for the naked man. Looking for the homeless man. The one who stumbled over mountains screaming and gashing himself, and didn't go to synagogue. The one who couldn't be bound with the chains of society's guardians. That miserable man who was tormented by entities who hated him -- who wanted him bleeding and screaming out in pain and homeless and naked -- cold in the winter and blistered in the sun, bitten by every insect, driven to destroy himself. Maybe he did have a basic sense of decency. Maybe that was part of the torment. Maybe he was humiliated by his horrible condition. But he couldn't escape them.

I think it's interesting that seeing Jesus from afar, he ran to worship Him. I think the man was desperate. But it's strange that he begged Jesus not to torment him. Was it the demon begging, or the man? Was the man aware of his own horrific guilt? Or was the demon aware that God values His creation, and doesn't look kindly on those who torment them? If the man, especially strange. We do get twisted ideas from the enemy about what God's plans are for us. "Don't torment me!"

When the town came to see the economic damage caused by the demons (a far greater tragedy in their minds than this poor man's long suffering at their hands), it says they found him sitting and clothed and in his right mind. And they were afraid. They had tried many times to bind him with chains that would control his offensive behavior. But Jesus cleaned up the real problem. He set him free from the terror and slavery of his life. And there the man was, at peace, at rest, coherent, and clothed. Oh, I love Jesus. He is not one to put band aids on gangrene. He fixes us from the inside out. Demons first. Clothes later.

Jesus said to the man when he begged to stay with Him, "Go home to your friends and tell them what great things God has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you." God's compassion on him was not another chain. And in the freedom he was given, his one desire was to follow Jesus. To stay with Jesus. Can't say I blame him.

Good News?

A friend of mine recently shared a quote from Martin Luther: 

"It is the supreme art of the devil that he can make the law out of the gospel." 

I keep thinking about it. 

'Gospel' means 'good news'. And isn't the gospel the best news you ever heard? God loves you! He loves you so much He sent His Son for you. He sent His Son to die so you could live. He paid the price. He opened heaven to you, although you were entirely steeped in sin -- and He is holy. He made a way to have fellowship with you, although your sins separated you from Him. He comes to dwell here in this fallen place, to inhabit our bodies, which were previously temples to sin. He promises help and hope and love and companionship and eternity to us. 

The law is not the way to heaven. The law is the way to hell. 

Because we can't keep it. We can't be holy. We can't be acceptable to Him. But His Son, who is accepted, was willing to trade places with us, and clothe us in Himself. We are accepted in the Beloved, in His Son, with Whom He is well pleased. Do you understand that? In Him, we are well pleasing to God. He is satisfied looking at us in His Son. And His Holy Spirit comes to make a home with us, in us, to bring us into our inheritance.  

And the enemy of our souls makes it a law. An abomination of striving miserable service. A 'you have to do this now because you're saved'. A driven list of musts and mustn'ts. 

Although the Scripture says if you walk by the Spirit you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh, the enemy says we can't trust the Holy Spirit to lead us away from sin. We need some laws. And if we listen to him, he'll lead us right out of the Spirit's leading into a straightjacket of our own contriving which can neither keep us holy nor bring forth fruit.

Do you know that what God has for you is GOOD NEWS? He gives rest to our souls by means of His easy yoke. He wants to fellowship with you. He doesn't come with 12 steps to holiness. He comes with His Son and an offer to exchange your unrighteousness with His holiness. And by the same Spirit He makes us alive in, He wants to keep us alive. 

Educating Faith

"It came to pass... that the brook dried up." (1Kings 17:7)

"The education of our faith is incomplete if we have not learned that there is a providence of loss, a ministry of failing and of fading things, a gift of emptiness. The material insecurities of life make for its spiritual establishment...

"Cherith was a difficult problem to Elijah until he got to Zarephath, and then it was all as clear as daylight... The woe and the waste and the tears of life belong to the interlude and not the finale.

"Had Elijah been led straight to Zarephath he would have missed something that helped to make him a wiser prophet and a better man. He lived by faith at Cherith. And whensoever in your life and mine some spring of earthly and outward resource has dried up, it has been that we might learn that our hope and help are in God who made heaven and earth."  (F.B. Meyer)

(From Streams in the Desert)

Horse Handling

I was not raised on a farm. I visited one yesterday. My friend wanted to show us her horse performing a figure eight pattern. I went along in utter ignorance. I was handed the guide rope for a pony and told to shake the rope if the pony invaded my space, and not to let her get too close to me. Getting the pony and the other two horses into their stalls in the barn was fairly uneventful. But the beautiful horse which was to demonstrate her abilities for us was 'feeling her oats', as my husband would say.

My friend led her out, and the horse kept wildly trying to do her own thing, breaking out into a short run here and there, and crowding her handler. I kept thinking about that passage in the Psalms which says (in my personal paraphrase), "Do not be like the horse or the mule which has to be controlled with bit and bridle. I would have you respond to my eye." Because the horse was so headstrong, my friend forced her to do boring stuff. Go left. Go right. Go left. Go right. Back up. Walk forward. Circle around. She said she could not have the horse do the figure eight until the horse calmed down and followed her lead. She watched the horse for 'softness' -- a responsiveness to what she asked of her. No rebellion in the holding of the head, no stopping when she said 'go'.

Even in the horse's 'bad' behavior, my friend would say, "She is so smart." As the horse responded without willfulness, my friend added other steps. Even as she exclaimed over the 'naughtiness' of this horse, she would express her love and admiration for this horse to us -- her expectation of future greatness. She wanted to show her off, but the horse wasn't cooperating yet. She would say, "I love this horse. She's so beautiful. When she's trained, she'll be amazing. I'll be able to put kids on her." You could hear the admiring affection in her voice, even as she forced the horse to do what it didn't want to do, and to not do what it did want to do.

It struck me that the horse's master had better things in mind for it than the things the horse was being made to submit to in that moment. She made the horse walk backwards to the barn, and the other experienced farmwoman who was walking with me made a comment about how calm she became. My friend said, "I've found that walking her backwards puts her in a better frame of mind." Do you ever find yourself being walked backward to put you in a better frame of mind? Go left. Go right. Go left. Go right. Circle around. She makes the horses do things they aren't comfortable with. Like be in confined spaces. They make better horses if they've conquered their fears, I guess.

As the farmwoman and I watched our friend work the horse, I asked her, "Do they ever get so good that they don't need the rope?" The farmwoman sparked up a little. "Yes. But I think it's very advanced. This one is too young for that. But they can be trained to respond to movement and signals. They're very visual."

When we went into the barn, my two friends were discussing the personalities of their horses, and what kind of training was good for which kind of horse. I didn't realize each one needed something different. There were charts on the wall laying out horse personalities, and what kind of training would bring each kind to obedience. I skimmed over the chart, and noticed among them a 'distrustful' trait. It said to be gentle with that horse.

My Father is gentle with me. He handles me with such care and skill. And ultimately, He's got a future far in advance of what I can see in mind. And His affection for me and value of me is far more than I have yet attained. He sees what I can be -- what I will be -- in His care.

One more thing: the farmwoman told me this was a horse born to breed. But it was born with some kind of deformity. Something to do with its legs not being straight. The original owner was going to kill it. It was a horse rescued from death, and cared for in love. And it was a horse whose legs were now fine. It was beautiful.

Against Me

I read Genesis 42 this morning. It was famine. Jacob had lost his most beloved son years before. In sending ten of his others to Egypt for grain to keep the family from starving, Simeon was taken captive by a foreign power. And that same power demanded Benjamin, too. Jacob had no choices, and he expected no good thing.

"And Jacob their father said to them, 'You have bereaved me:
Joseph is no more, Simeon is no more, and you want to take Benjamin.
All these things are against me.
...My son shall not go down with you, for his brother is dead, and he is left alone.
If any calamity shall befall him along the way in which you go,
then you would bring down my gray hair with sorrow to the grave.'"
(Genesis 42:36)

Jacob was not able to see the end. But we get to. We get to see his heartbroken grief and fear. His "I can't take another thing! It'll kill me. I'll die if my sorrows increase." Two sons were dead, and the third would die, too. I read his grieving words, his fearful words, and I cried for him. But I've read the end before.

He said, "All these things are against me."

Were they? They looked like it. It had been years of miserable sorrow. Of Joseph, torn by a wild beast, of ten sons walking in fear and guilt, and of his last son, clung to as 'the one left alone' -- all he had left from Rachel, the woman he loved at first sight and worked fourteen years to get. But reality was, His Father had been working all these miserable things together for his good for all those years. Joseph's loss was his salvation. Simeon's loss dragged Benjamin down there. And Benjamin's loss brought all the rest to exactly the place where God wanted that family -- and to a reconciled, whole, fed condition.

What Jacob said was true. They had bereaved him. But remarkably, God untwisted their handiwork and saved Joseph, Jacob, the ten guilty brothers, Benjamin, and all their family in spite of it and through it. All these things were being worked together for Jacob's good all along. But they were also being worked together for the good of his guilty sons. To restore them all to each other.

Jacob said, "I'll be brought down in sorrow to the grave."

But God had plans for good for him, and not for evil. Plans to give him a future, and a hope. He was right on the edge of having food through the famine, Joseph and Joseph's children, Simeon and Benjamin all given into his hands. He was on the edge of joy, and he couldn't see past sorrow. And the very things he thought were against him, were working for his salvation.

Be Still

This is an old hymn based on Psalm 46. It is attributed to Jean Sibelius and Katharina Von Schlegel (translated by Jane Borthwick). Mary Barrett sang this on one of her cds, and often in person at conferences. 

There are times when my heart races and terrifies me. This song so poignantly addresses my fears and griefs. I play it over and over again, and let its words soothe me.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, loves purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

A Service of Waiting

I read this morning in Streams in the Desert:

"I have sometimes found myself interrupted in what seemed to me a career of usefulness. Opposition came and forced me to go back, or sickness came and compelled me to retire into a desert part.

"It was hard at such times to leave my work undone when I believed that work to be the service of the Spirit. But I came to remember that the Spirit has not only a service of work, but a service of waiting. I came to learn that the desert place apart is often the most useful spot in the varied life of man -- more rich in harvest than the seasons in which the corn and wine abounded. I have been taught to thank the Blessed Spirit that many a darling Bithynia had to be left unvisited by me.

"And so, Thou divine Spirit, would I still be led by Thee. Still there come to me disappointed prospects of usefulness. Today the door seems to open into life and work for Thee; tomorrow it closes before me just as I am about to enter...

"Inspire me with the knowledge that a man may at times be called to do his duty by doing nothing, to work by keeping still, to serve by waiting. When I remember the power of the 'still small voice', I shall not murmur that sometimes the Spirit suffers me not to go." (George Matheson)

I am so thankful for the words that saints have left behind them for me.

"Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her Beloved?" (Song of Solomon 8:5)

Led and Hungry

"Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan

and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness,
being tempted for forty days by the devil.
And in those days He ate nothing,
and afterward, when they had ended, He was hungry...
Then Jesus returned in the power of the Holy Spirit to Galilee."

(from Luke 4:1-14)

I read this chapter to my children this morning, and this part leapt off the page at me.

1. Jesus was filled with the Holy Spirit.

2. Jesus was led by the Spirit.

3. The Spirit led Him into wilderness.

4. The Holy Spirit brought Him to a place where He was tempted by the devil.

5. Being filled with the Holy Spirit, and led by the Holy Spirit, Jesus had nothing to eat.

6. Following the Spirit's lead brought Him through temptation without food, and separation from people He loved.

7. Jesus suffered hunger as the result of being led by the Holy Spirit, and being obedient to Him.

8. He returned in the power of the Holy Spirit.

But I thought being filled with the Holy Spirit and being led by the Holy Spirit meant green pastures all the way? No harassment from our enemy? Health and wealth and shiny faces? Can I be in the way of peace when the sun beats down and I hunger?

Jesus said, "Man shall not live by bread alone." He seems to have proven His point. Because He was hungry, and not eating, and He returned in the power of the Holy Spirit. It would have to be the power of the Holy Spirit -- He allowed His physical resources to be depleted.

Perhaps if Jesus had had more foresight, He might have laid up something to hold Him over during this lean time. Or perhaps if He was listening closer, He might have found the smoother path. Perhaps these adverse circumstances were the result of some failure? It says the Spirit led Him.

Just the chapter before this, God speaks from heaven and says, "This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased." And yet He leads His Beloved, the One He delights in, to hunger for awhile. But I love that He made sure it was clear: "I LOVE HIM! HE'S MINE! I AM PLEASED WITH HIM!"

For Your Good

A quote from the end of Foxe's Book of Martyrs comes to mind: "The Lord has been better to us than all our fears."
 
Being an extraordinarily fearful person naturally myself, this quote has often comforted me. Because looking back, it has been true. He does work all things together for your good. I don't know what that will look like, but I know it is true.
 
I've been reading Genesis again lately, making note of every instance of the Lord's guidance in each chapter (some direct instructions, some interrelational conflicts, some famines).
 
I've been thinking about Joseph, and how the Lord said He had sent him ahead of Jacob and the others to save them. All those many years of suffering without any hope in sight... and he was sent. You can't know yet how this trial will play out -- or what good will come of it, but if you are His child, He works all things together for your good who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And He is still preparing a place for you. There is a reward.
 
"Moreover He called for a famine in the land;
He destroyed all the provision of bread.
He sent a man before them -- Joseph -- who was sold as a slave.
They hurt his feet with fetters, he was laid in irons.
Until the time that his word came to pass, the word of the Lord tested him."
(Psalm 105:16-19)
 
"Many of the richest blessings which have come down to us from the past are the fruit of sorrow or pain."
(Streams in the Desert, September 19)
 
I was in hard labor with my oldest for 26 hours. My total labor was 65 hours. Three hours of pushing, one and a half of that with a vacuum extractor -- and no pain medication. I'll spare you the inventory of damages to myself. When he finally came out, my pale, blood-spattered husband said, "We're not doing this ever again."
 
With my baby in my arms, I said, "Why not? I feel like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound!"
 
Joseph named one of his sons 'forget,' because he said God had made him to forget his suffering in the land of his affliction. God knows how to reward the righteous. And His rewards are so rich that no amount of fetters and irons can dull them. No years in prison can be compared with the riches He has prepared for His own.
 
"I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
 
I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me."
 
(Also from Streams)

Atonement Rest

I looked at my calendar today and noticed it was the Day of Atonement: Yom Kippur. Being a Gentile, not raised to observe the Feasts of the Old Testament, I turned to Leviticus 16 to remind myself of its meaning.

"For on that day the priest shall make atonement for you, to cleanse you,
that you may be clean from all your sins before the Lord.
It is a sabbath of solemn rest for you, and you shall afflict your souls.
It is a statute forever."

I was reminded of Hebrews, which says that He (Jesus) is our High Priest, made like His brethren,
merciful and faithful, having suffered, being tempted, able to aid those who are tempted,
who sympathizes with our weaknesses, without sin, having compassion on the ignorant,
and on those who go astray.
And it says that having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.

On the day of atonement, when the uncleanness of the nation was to be addressed, when the sin was to be provided for, the people were told to rest. Not to rest in joy, but in affliction of soul. Sin ought to grieve us. But, still: rest. Because our work is worthless to provide atonement. No good work that I can do can make my uncleanness clean. The work of the Priest is the only work to be done for atonement. The sacrifice. The shedding of blood and the application of it for all.

"There remains therefore a rest for the people of God."
When it comes to atonement, my work is to sit on my hands, afflicted in soul, and hope in God -- and let His High Priest do the work.

"Because He continues forever, He has an unchangeable priesthood.
Therefore He is able to save to the uttermost
those who come to God through Him,
since He always lives to make intercession for them.
For such a High Priest was fitting for us, who is holy, harmless, undefiled,
separate from sinners, and has become higher than the heavens;
who does not need daily, as those high priests,
to offer up sacrifices, first for his own sins, and then for the people's,
for this He did once for all when He offered up Himself."

Able to save to the uttermost. 
Always lives to make intercession for them. 
This He did once for all.
As one of my teachers used to yell: "THESE ARE SHOUTIN' GROUNDS!" I like to maintain my dignity for the most part, but this passage reduces me to wonder and humility every time I read it. And I want to shout.

"Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood 
He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption."

Eternal redemption. He paid it forever! My day of rest does not end. My sabbath in Christ is eternal. He sat down at the right hand of God. Because His work of atonement is DONE!! I am atoned for. My sins are paid for. I'm clean.

By the Brook

Yesterday I read in Streams in the Desert:

"Hide thyself by the brook Cherith.  (1 Kings 17:3)

"The man who is to take a high place before his fellows must take a low place before his God. We must not be surprised if sometimes our Father says: 'There, child, thou hast had enough of this hurry, and publicity, and excitement; get thee hence, and hide thyself by the brook -- hide thyself in the Cherith of the sick chamber, or in the Cherith of bereavement, or in some solitude from which the crowds have ebbed away...

"None of us, therefore, can dispense with some Cherith where the sounds of human voices are exchanged for the waters of quietness which are fed from the throne; and where we may taste the sweets and imbibe the power of a life hidden with Christ." (From Elijah, by Meyer)

 

In What Measurements?

I am a book lover. As a teenager, my books had outgrown my room. I did not often ask things of my parents, particularly during those lean years. But on that fateful day, I wandered into the garage and expressed a wish for a bookshelf. My Dad, who was working on something, brightened. "In what measurements?" I didn't know. I had hoped for a sometime fulfillment, and had not come armed with measurements. I took a tape measure up to my bedroom and measured the space between the two windows. I brought them down to my Dad, and gave them to him. "Painted? A clear wood finish?" I asked for a natural wood finish. Within 24 hours, my Dad had built, finished, and delivered a new bookshelf to me, in perfect measurements.

My eyes fell on that bookshelf today, not for the first time, and reminded me of the quiet lesson I learned all those years ago. My Father is waiting to bless me. I have not because I ask not. God's heart is more eager to answer than my own Daddy's heart.

"And it shall come to pass that, before they call, I will answer;
and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." 
(Isaiah 65:24)

To Jacob

To Jacob the Lord said: 

"I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, 

and will bring you back to this land; 

for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you." 

 

 

Sown Light

"Light is sown for the righteous, and gladness for the upright in heart."
(Psalm 97:11)

They are sown. Planted. There will be a harvest for the righteous, although perhaps all we see now is darkness and sorrow. Planted in darkness, sown in sorrow, light and gladness are going to bear fruit. As farmers look forward to the day the crop is ripe, we need to look forward to the day when light and gladness are mature for us.

I like that it says they are sown for us. Not sown by us. We do sow things in life, and they will bear fruit. But this light and gladness are sown for us. A gift crop. A garden planted by our Father to feed us on later. It reminds me of Psalm 31:19:  "Oh how great is Thy goodness, which Thou hast laid up for them that fear Thee; which Thou hast wrought for them that trust in Thee before the sons of men!" Our inheritance will not fade away, and it's reserved in heaven for us.

To Live With Us

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God...
And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us,
and we beheld His glory, the glory as the only begotten of the Father,
full of grace and truth."
(John 1)

He regarded our low estate. He condescended to live with us -- to dwell with us -- to abide with us. The Word became flesh and walked among us. When we humble ourselves (as God Himself did) to live with our children in the daily mundaneness of their lives, we follow His example. Women have sometimes said to me, "Oh, I just couldn't bear to be home with them all the time -- I'd go nuts!" But Jesus left His position of honor in heaven to eat and sleep and live among men. With us. And He said, "I have given you an example that you should do as I have done."

To the End

 Jesus said, "I am with you always, even to the end of the world."

He is with me. He was with Joseph in prison. With Daniel in a pit of lions. With Ishmael in the desert. With Gideon in the winepress. In rooms that shut out all the world, in places of suffering that no one else sees, He is with me. Even to the end of my world.

I read this today:

"When from my life the old-time joys have vanished,
Treasures once mine, I may no longer claim,
This truth may feed my hungry heart, and famished;
Lord, Thou remainest! Thou art still the same!

When streams have dried, those streams of glad refreshing--
Friendships so blest, so rich, so free;
When sun-kissed skies give place to clouds depressing,
Lord, Thou remainest! Still my heart hath Thee.

When strength hath failed, and feet, now worn and weary,
On gladsome errands may no longer go,
Why should I sigh, or let the days be dreary?
Lord, Thou remainest! Could'st Thou more bestow?

Thus through life's days - whoe'er or what may fail me,
Friends, friendships, joys, in small or great degree,
Songs may be mine, no sadness need assail me,
Lord, Thou remainest! Still my heart hath Thee."

(J. Danson Smith, from Streams in the Desert)

Good Boys and Girls

"Some talk to children about such things as being good boys and girls; that is to say, they preach the law to the children, though they would preach the Gospel to grown-up people. Is this honest? Is this wise? Children need the Gospel, the whole Gospel, the unadulterated Gospel. They ought to have it. If they are taught of the Spirit of God, they are as capable of receiving it as persons of ripe years. Teach the little ones that Jesus died, the just for the unjust, to bring us to God."

(C.H. Spurgeon, Spiritual Parenting)

Chosen Afflicted

'I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction' (Isaiah 48:10)

"We are chosen as an afflicted people, and not as a prosperous people, chosen not in the palace, but in the furnace. In the furnace, beauty is marred, fashion is destroyed, strength is melted, glory is consumed, and yet here eternal love reveals its secrets, and declares its choice... In times of severest trial God has made to us our calling and election plain, and we have made it sure: then have we chosen the Lord to be our God, and He has shown that we are assuredly His chosen."  (Spurgeon's Cheque Book of Faith, August 27th) 

"Many of us need no other argument than our own experiences to prove that suffering is indeed God's testing room of faith." 

"It is very easy for us to speak and theorize about faith, but God often casts us into crucibles to try our gold, and to separate it from the dross and alloy. Oh, happy are we if the hurricanes that ripple life's unquiet sea have the effect of making Jesus more precious. Better the storm with Christ than smooth waters without Him."

"What if God could not manage to ripen your life without suffering?" (Streams in the Desert, August 28th)

Space For Quiet

When I finished eighth grade, my parents pulled me out of school to homeschool me. I think it was one of the best things they ever did for me. The most valuable thing about it was the space for quiet it gave me. The schedule I kept when I was in public school did not leave me time to think. I got up very early to get ready, went to school all day long, and was sequestered all evening with homework. I did not spend time with my family, and I did not spend time truly alone, either. Every minute was filled with predigested thought or busy activity. The quiet space that my parents gave to me when they removed me from that bustle allowed me to hear the Lord speak to me. I think we all need quiet space in which to think and hear what the Lord would say to us.

"...Aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business,
and to work with your own hands,
as we commanded you, that you may walk properly
toward those who are outside..."
(1 Thessalonians 4:11)

"Better a handful with quietness than both hands full,
together with toil and grasping for the wind."
(Ecclesiastes 4:6)

"For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel:
'In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.'"
(Isaiah 30:15)

That We Are

"The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs -- heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ,  
if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time
are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."
(Romans 8:16-18)

The Spirit bears witness with us that we are God's children and His heirs. Joint heirs with Christ when we suffer. When we suffer, the Spirit bears witness we are joined to Him in the past, the present, and the future. Suffering in a way marks us as fellowshippers with Him, and joint heirs of His glory, too. And the two aren't worthy to be compared, because the glory far outweighs the suffering.

We think we're left behind when we're suffering. We think we're forsaken in affliction. But the Holy Spirit is present with us, claiming our suffering as His own, even as He claims His glory for our future. Children of God. Marked as His heirs. It isn't, as we so often ask, "If I am a child of God, why am I suffering?" Our suffering marks us as joint heirs with Christ. Our Savior suffered what only men can suffer. And when we suffer, we ought to remember that just as He joined us in human suffering, we will join Him in glory.  Because He has united Himself to us in suffering, and we are united to Him in glory.

Like in any good marriage, our lot is joined for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in riches. But all the worst is now, and the best is yet to come. He came to us in our sickness, our poverty, our worst estate, and He united us to Himself. And we go with Him to His health, His riches, and His glory because He has united us to Himself.

Not Hiding God

 In Psalm 78, Asaph contemplates passing on faith. He says: the things which our fathers have told us, we will not hide from our children; telling to the next generation what we praise God for; the amazing works He did for our parents and for us. We will make them known to our children that the generation to come might know them, that the ones yet to be born might tell their children, that they may set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God.

Something Asaph thought necessary to pass on:

They spoke against God; they said, "Can God prepare a table in the wilderness? Can He give bread also?  Can He provide meat for His people?"

This is an essential lesson that we must pass down to our children. God can prepare a table in the wilderness. He can give bread. And He can provide meat for His people.

How will they learn to set their hope in God if they are not brought to see that God is not limited by wilderness resources? I can't prepare a table in the wilderness, but He can. I cannot give the multitude bread, but HE can. I can't get enough meat to feed the family in places the animals run from, but He can. We must not only set our hope on Him, we must tell our children about His works so that they will, too.

"They did not believe in God, and did not trust His salvation." Let this not be our epitaph.

It says he rained food down on them -- bread and meat. "In spite of this they still sinned, and did not believe in His wondrous works. Therefore their days He consumed in futility, and their years in fear."

Do you realize this is what comes of not believing God? Of refusing to hope in Him? All our days become futility and fear. Everything we do is useless -- like wandering for forty years in the desert, killing time until it kills us, because what He said we would not believe.

Fear. Through the fear of death, all their lifetimes they were subject to bondage. Subject. Their necks were under the foot of fear. Their lives were being ruled by death because they would not hope in God. Christ came to deliver us from that. God is our refuge and hope. Therefore will not we fear though the mountains be removed and thrown into the sea.

The Psalm describes how often He forgave them, being full of compassion. He turned His anger away. But how often they provoked Him in the wilderness, and grieved Him in the desert. "Yes, again, and again they tempted God, and limited the Holy One of Israel. They did not remember His power; the day when He redeemed them from the enemy." Does the word 'limited' jump off the page at you like it does me? They limited God. This is why we tell our children what He can do, what He does do, and what He will do. Because unbelief limits God.

He would not take them into the land because they would not believe His promises. That entire generation died in the wilderness. And the wilderness will claim us, too, if He is not our hope.

Our goal as parents is that our children would set their hope in the Lord. That they will believe in Him, and trust in His salvation. That training sometimes requires a trip through the wilderness. So that they can see that He can prepare a table in the wilderness. He can give bread. He can provide meat for His people.

When I was a young teenager, my family was in a financial wilderness. There was not enough money to cover the bills, and my parents were scared. But my mom was in the habit of reading the Word to us in the mornings, and praying with us. After reading, we seven children would sit and she would distribute to us the needs we had to pray for. Because she let us see the wilderness, hear the Word, and participate in the requests to the Lord for provision, our faith was built up as we saw God answer. One morning my little brother, who was six or seven at the time, insisted that he wanted to pray for $1000. Mom kept trying to get him to just pray for the needs that we had, and the tug of war between them brought him to tears. Mom said, "Fine. It's okay if you want to pray for $1000." He bowed his head and asked the Lord to send us $1000. We all indulgently waited through his prayer. That day in the mailbox there was a check for $1000.

It was humbling. The Lord prepared table after table after table for us, and it wasn't because of our great faith. He cares for us. And our children need to see that. They need to see me trusting Him with nothing. They need to understand that HE IS OUR HOPE AND OUR REFUGE. So they can teach their children, too.

I was talking with a lady last night who is 87 years old. A man asked her how long she had been walking with the Lord. She told us that she had believed in Jesus when she was 11 years old. Her mother had been very sick, and they thought she would die, so she had to go live with her grandmother. Her grandmother had to tell her about her mother's condition, and when she sat down with her, she told her about Jesus. She told her about who He is, and about His love and His power. Her grandmother taught her to pray. And the Lord spared her mother's life. When we sit down to break the news of death and destruction and loss and wilderness to our children, let it be accompanied with hope in the Lord. With the truth about who He is, and what He's done before. So that when our children are 87 years old, they can tell someone new what God has done.

"I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also." (2 Timothy 1:5)

Choosing Rather

The mystery of suffering confounds us. Conflicts our minds. As much as we say we do not believe prosperity doctrines, I think in each of our hearts we really do. Good Life = Good Stuff. Trusting the Lord = Overflowing Bank Accounts. We think God's love means sex and affection and happiness. God's love meant death for His Son for our sakes. And we act like He hasn't done enough to prove it to us.

I read Psalm 73 recently. That’s the one where Asaph starts out by telling you he had almost stumbled; his steps had nearly slipped because he saw the prosperity of the wicked. “They aren’t suffering pain when they die. They aren’t in trouble like us. We’re plagued, but it isn’t touching them. They have more than they need; they’re always at ease; their money grows.’ He concluded that serving the Lord had no reward, because he was suffering all day long, and being punished every morning. He said he tried to understand it, and it was too painful. “Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end: they’re on slippery ground; they are brought to desolation.”

He says he was grieved and vexed, because he was so foolish and ignorant. “I am continually with You; You hold me by my right hand. You will guide me with Your counsel, and afterward receive me into glory. My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

“Those who are far from You perish…
but it is good for me to draw near to God;
I have put my trust in the Lord God.”

His suffering did not stop. That’s why he said, ‘my heart and my flesh fail.’ But he came to recognize that an entire lifetime of severe trials and suffering while being continually with the Lord, and being guided by His counsel and being afterward received into glory is preferable to the lives of the wicked who do not suffer, are not in trouble, and prosper.

“Moses by faith refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter,
choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God
than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a time,
esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt,
for he was looking to the reward…
for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible.
(Hebrews 11:24-26)

Him who is invisible. Jacob, at the time of his exile from his family said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I knew it not.” Why didn’t he know it? Because he was lonely. Because he was outcast. Because he couldn’t see Him. But He was there. We see riches and equate them with God's presence. In a sense, under affliction, we see Him less. The affliction is the very thing to endure as seeing the Invisible God. There is a fellowship with the very heart of God which is only available to us in our sufferings. We learn who He is. We learn to value what He values. We learn to long for His kingdom, to hope in His coming. We learn in a very small measure what it was for Him to choose to suffer affliction for our sakes. And we learn how to cry with others.

But whatever things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.
But no, rather, I also count all things to be loss
for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord,
for whose sake I have suffered the loss of all things,
and count them to be dung,
so that I may win Christ and be found in Him;
not having my own righteousness, which is of the Law,
but through the faith of Christ, the righteousness of God by faith,
that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection
and the fellowship of His sufferings,
being made conformable to His death;
if by any means I might attain to the resurrection of the dead.
(Philippians 3:7-11)

I don't think feelings of happiness are the automatic result of walking with the Lord. Those who hope in the Lord have often lived in unhappy situations, suffering poverty and misery. It comes down to whether we will sell our inheritance for a bowl full of porridge. We are offered our Father's whole estate. If we believe that, a few hunger pangs for a few hours are worth the pain. Esau was a man who valued a full belly now as more valuable than the blessing of God and the inheritance of his father. "Jacob have I loved, and Esau have I hated," said the Lord. A lot of people fault Jacob for his actions in life, but one thing about Jacob was that he valued God's gifts. He thought they were worth being exiled for -- without the inheritance he'd won from his brother.

A Promise From God

'I beseech you do not treat God's promises as if they were curiosities for a museum; but use them as everyday sources of comfort. Trust the Lord whenever your time of need comes on.' (C.H. Spurgeon)

I read that in Streams in the Desert this morning, and pondered God's promises for my time of need. I thought about how often He has helped us in the past, and how able He is for today and tomorrow. My Grandma's voice filled my mind.

More times than I can count, my Grandma has reminded me that Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." She has written it to me in letters and in emails, and she's reminded me of it on the telephone. And sure enough, when I turned to Philippians 4:19, there it was written in black and white. God's Word says He'll supply all my need according to His riches by Christ Jesus.

The Wrongs Done to Us

We used to sing a song that had the line:

"Where the wrongs we have done

and the wrongs done to us

are nailed there with Him,

there on the cross."

The provision of the cross is enough for our sins, and also for the sins committed against us. It's ministered to me so many times to count the wrongs done against me as done to Christ. Exchanging my lot for His. He is a Man acquainted with grief, afflicted, and a Man of Sorrows. But He offers us joy. I need to let Him take my sorrows and let them die with Him there.

"If he has wronged you in any way, or owes you anything, charge it to My account."

In All These Things

‎"None of us can know which shock or illness (headache or operation, disappointment or disillusionment with a friend, criticism or other human attack, loss of job or loss of house and land, news of a loved one's death) will turn out to be the most important opportunity we are ever going to have to honestly love God and truly trust Him in a way which will bring Him joy and defeat Satan.We cannot know which is the most important moment in our lives."

(Edith Schaeffer, Affliction: A Compassionate Look at the Reality of Pain and Suffering)

There was something so comforting in the thought (which never occurred to me before) that suffering pain and affliction in itself, seeing no end to the trial and yet hoping in the Lord -- not in the end of the trial, but in the Lord -- is in itself a victory.

In all these things we are more than conquerors. In what things? Miracles and deliverances? Not in that passage. The things we are more than conquerors in are not victorious sounding things. Tribulation. Distress. Persecution. Famine. Nakedness. Peril. Sword. Being killed all day long. None of them shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Spurgeon For Moms

"O dear mothers, please understand that you have a very sacred trust reposed in you by God! He has in effect said to you, 'Take this child away, and nurse it for me, and I will give thee thy wages' (Exodus 2:9). You are called to equip the future man of God, that he may be 'thoroughly furnished unto all good works' (2 Timothy 3:17). If God spares you, you may live to hear that pretty boy speak to thousands, and you will have the sweet reflection in your heart that the quiet teachings of the nursery led the adult man to love his God and serve Him.

"Those who think that a woman detained at home by her little family is doing nothing, think the reverse of what is true. Scarcely can the godly mother quit her home for a place of worship. However, dream not that she is lost to the work of the church. Far from it, she is doing the best possible service for her Lord.

"Mothers, the godly training of your offspring is your first and most pressing duty. Christian women, by teaching children the Holy Scriptures, are as much fulfilling their part for the Lord as Moses did in judging Israel, or Solomon in building the temple."

(Charles Spurgeon, Spiritual Parenting)

A Thought

The average American's life revolves around production.
Mine revolves around reproduction.
God said, "Be fruitful and multiply." He didn't say, "Build a portfolio and accumulate."

Silas Prays

"Jesus, thank You He gave me His Holy Spirit and He didn't want it. Amen."
After praying the above prayer, Silas told his siblings that God had given His Holy Spirit to him, and also: "I gived Him my holy spirit.'

Thoughts on the Suicide of a Believer

Personally, I have been thinking a lot about the heart of God, which He Himself has told us is the heart of a shepherd toward His sheep, and a Father towards His children.

I've been contemplating the mercy Jesus showed toward those who died, whose families grieved, toward the children who threw themselves in the fire.

Jesus said sick people need a doctor, not healthy people. He has a doctor's heart, too.

According to the scripture, if you believe on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, you will be saved.

It only took one look at the serpent on the pole in Exodus for the plague to be healed. Just one look.

Jesus said all manner of sins would be forgiven men, except the sin of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. ALL manner of sins? That's what He said. I am stunned at the magnanimousness of what He said. But He plainly showed while He was here on earth that He did in fact have the authority to forgive sins, to the anger and disgust of the Pharisees.

The scripture says that all who call on the name of the Lord will be saved. It doesn't say 'all fit persons who have their lives together and call on the name of the Lord'.

To quote some of the old hymn Come Ye Sinners Poor and Needy:

Let not conscience make you linger
Nor of fitness fondly dream
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him

I take comfort myself in the character of Christ. Jesus said, "If you've seen me, you've seen the Father."

He is the fulfillment of the all the law and the prophets, not us. He fulfilled every jot and every tittle of both the righteous requirements of the law, and of the suffering the consequences of the breaking of the law, which we are ALL guilty of. In Him, all the promises of God are 'yes' and 'amen'.

Heaven is not offered to us based on our works, but on His works. The law was written so that all men everywhere would recognize their failure to fulfill it. And He said, "I have come that they may have life, and that more abundantly."

When Jesus was asked 'What must I do to work the works of God?'
He answered, 'Believe on the One whom He sent.'